you start to think it’s normal

From The Time I Heard the Private Donald J. Rankin String Concerto with One Discordant Violin, by the American Composer John Morton by Yann Martel:

I hate this place. I hate it because whenever I come here during the day I like it and nearly fall for it. It’s comfortable and warm, the people are nice, and you know what’s expected of you. I say to myself, You should get a daytime job here. The pay’s good, better than what you make now anyway, you work with people, the hours are sane — hey, why not?

scientists and bureaucrats

From the book The Art of James Christensen: Journey of the Imagination; captions by the author.

Three Scientists Debating the Aerodynamic Capabilities of the Dynastes Beetle

The beetle flies for two miles at a stretch, but these self-important egos are debating it “scientifically”. You may notice that their feet don’t match up and it’s very hard to tell where one leaves off and another begins. They have, in effect, lost their personal identities in their quest for self-importance.

The Old Scholar

Every university has an old scholar or two, professors whose learning stopped years ago, here symbolized by the wormy apple and the snuffed-out candle. The tatty, stuffed owl on wheels, the Ptolemaic (earth-centered) solar system, and the Leonardian sketch that’s all out of kilter symbolize wisdom that has become outdated or obsolete.

Life-Size Portrait of a Very Minor Official

I have an ongoing battle with the rigidity of bureaucracy. This is an officious little minor dignitary. If we use hieratic scaling — that is, the most important person in an image is the largest — then this tiny little portrait is life-sized.

the science of snowballing

Continuing with the Arctic exploration theme: a scene from hilarious Belgian animation Panique au village (see the trailer). The three mad scientists, operating a giant mechanical penguin and entertaining themselves with long-distance snowballing. Where do they hire for jobs like that?

from annals of adult psychophysics

Now about the scientific expeditions — in words of a certain Humbert Humbert:

One of my favourite doctors, a charming cynical chap with a little brown beard, had a brother, and this brother was about to lead an expedition into arctic Canada. I was attached to it as a ‘recorder of psychic reactions’.

a general disinclination to work of any kind

From Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome:

In the present instance, going back to the liver-pill circular, I had the symptoms, beyond all mistake, the chief among them being “a general disinclination to work of any kind.”

actually working

My favourite quotes from the Work section of The Lazy Person’s Guide to Life by Gray Joliffe, a truly wonderful book which seems to be out of print. If I ever get back to regular employment, I have to make sure that I can reach my full lazy person’s potential there.

actually working

Some people like making work complicated because it gives them a sense of identity and importance. Those of use who are secure enough not to need this reassurance attempt to simplify everything, and get through it quicker.

The easiest thing to be at work is the boss, because then you can delegate everything and concentrate on important things like lunch and going home early.

business travel

After all, that amount of iron isn’t entitled to fly.

commuting

The lazy person’s philosophy is this: as most of us work with our brains it is ludicrous to transport our bodies from one place to another, home to office.

getting fired

Getting fired is harmful to the self-esteem, but only for the first five or six times, after which you give up on yourself and make your fortune painting abstracts under an assumed name.

meetings

Meetings are for the most part unnecessary, but if you are dragged into one, you can catnap surreptitiously and that beats working. Don’t let key people see your eyes snap shut, though, because it looks amateur.

self-employment

Lazy people are never unemployed, as they prefer to call it freelance or self-employed.

For more quotes, go here.

budget cuts vs Nobel prizes

Science is Vital has got its official website and a bunch of celebrity supporters, including Sir Patrick Moore and the Nobel laureate Sir Paul Nurse. More than 30,700 have signed the Petition to be delivered to Downing Street this coming Thursday. (You still have a few hours to sign it!) Who knows, this time it may work.

science is vital

Britannia used to rule the world but does not any longer. It doesn’t have much in terms of natural resources, the public transport is awful and more or less everything here is overpriced. Which is understandable, since this country produces very little. London may host the next Olympics but a great sports nation Britain is not. And don’t even start me on weather.

Let’s face it, the only two things Britain is any good at are science and gardening.

not afraid to say “we don’t know”

From The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa (translated by Stephen Snyder):

“Solving a problem for which you know there’s an answer is like climbing a mountain with a guide, along a trail somebody else has laid. In mathematics, the truth is somewhere out there in a place no one knows, beyond all the beaten paths. And it’s not always at the top of the mountain.”

shortlisted

“Shortlisted” (or even longlisted) “for Booker / Pulitzer / Orange Prize...” Did you ever wonder why it is OK for fiction authors to put these credentials on the book covers while listing the failed job interviews on your CV is deemed off-limits?

Once upon a time, last century, I was shortlisted for a lectureship. On the interview, I had a chance to meet with two other candidates, one of whom was eventually offered the position. That means, at some point I had a 33% chance to get that job. And yet I feel that it won’t do me much good if I put this fact (that I blew my chance, that is) in my CV. Because in this sport only the wins count.

Frankly, this is ridiculous. If I were lucky and got that or other job, I wouldn’t send my CVs around any longer, right? So it shouldn’t really harm to mention that some of the previous applications resulted in interviews. Same goes for grants. You are expected to include the successful grant proposals in your CV. Why only successful? The writing of unsuccessful grant application is as time-consuming — and as important.

Do you know what helps to get a grant? That’s right: being employed. Therefore, being employed helps being employed, and having grants helps getting grants.