lol my thesis

What, lol my thesis blog wasn’t updated for a month? That sucks. According to its creator, Angela Frankel,

Initially intended as a means of procrastination from my own thesis, this blog has documented some of the stress, hilarity, and chaos associated with undergraduate (and some post-graduate) theses.

In fact it serves to illustrate that most of the theses out there are simply not worth the paper they are printed on, or maybe even the disk space they occupy. They would be totally disposable if not for lol my thesis. Just think about that before adding “M.Sc.” or “Ph.D.” to your name. (What if I modify my CV by replacing “Ph.D.” with “Ph.D.LOL”? I don’t think anybody would notice.) Could it be that it’s not updated any longer because at long last people have realised that? I seriously doubt it.

Here are some of my favourites.

• 100 Pages of Ignoring Everything That Contradicts My Theory
• 404 Telescope not found
• A community garden provides a community with a garden.
• Avoiding people has its mental health benefits.
• Composers can’t write good music, unless they can.
• Counting dead fruit flies makes me worry about my own mortality
• Everything is wrong, but I know why.
• France and the U.S. are different and so is their cheese
• Generally, Marx and Lenin agree with one another, except when anything practical is mentioned.
• Having toys and bright colours in their cages makes mice smarter in their brains!
• Honey bees don’t like it when you dip them in liquid nitrogen.
• How many bats are there? There are about this many bats.
• I cured mice of the cancer that I gave them
• I dropped my slides on the floor so I have no data
• I managed to synthesize everything BUT the compound I wanted to make.
• I’ve spent four years becoming qualified enough to crawl around the lab on my hands and knees looking for the carbonized seed I just dropped.
• I spent years jokingly telling people my major was alchemy, so I found a way to make that true.
• I was payed to sit on a hillside and count grass and then my research site burned down, so here’s a mathematical model I don’t understand
• If you don’t label your sh-t, you can’t find your sh-t.
• If you set the bar lower, a larger proportion of people will meet your expectations.
• It usually helps when people take their medicine.
• “Just because it binds, doesn’t mean its doing anything. Shit sticks to the bottom of your foot, it doesn’t mean it has receptors on it”
• Maybe we should make solar cell polymers that *don’t* degrade in light.
• My English pronounciation is bad so I decided to write a thesis on it.
• Nobody’s done this before, and it turns out that there’s a very good reason for that.
• Octopuses do, or don’t do, things.
• Science is, like, hard.
• Sometimes when people don’t say things, they don’t say things differently.
• The muscles in my thumb are so much stronger after eighteen months of constant pipetting to make these nanoparticles.
• The quantum world is unusual, but not as unusual as usually thought.
• These birds were not doing the thing
• These goddamn bats didn’t live in their goddamn bat boxes so I had to drastically adapt my goddamn research design
• These plants are different, but it’s not like I can actually tell them apart.
• Turns out almost everything is a waste of time
• Turns out you can’t see invisible things
• Walking is actually really hard
• Watching Disney movies is less fun when you pay attention to all the ways they hate fat people.
• Women could have affairs in 18th century England and not die afterwards.
• You can use Ethyl Acetate to do biaryl coupling reactions, but you’d be out of your god damn mind to claim it’s a revolution in green chemistry. Like I did.
• You don’t need metry to geometry.